So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
