I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
