I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
