I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
