remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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