why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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