Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
