I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
