It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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