I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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