I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
