i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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