You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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