i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
