wrigley field is MILF paradise
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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