Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
