Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
