OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
