So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
