That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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