So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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