i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
