they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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