question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
