in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
