you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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