i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
one two three fourrrrnication!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
