I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
