Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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