he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
