Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
