so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
