Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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