your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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