what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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