I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
