I hope mine doesn't look like that
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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