Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
