5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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