The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
