I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
