the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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