you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
