the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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