Nicole vs. Life
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
