If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize