she smelled like a LAN party
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
