just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
