I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
