fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
