So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
