his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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