She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
