using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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